I have been trying to only write about the sweet moments of my surrogacy journey, the love , the support and the birth of the beautiful twins, The truth is, i feel a bit dishonest because i am not touching on the negative sides of this process too .The process is not all moonshine and flowers, it has some negative sides too. I am going to write this as a surrogate mom, i cant speak for the parents but i am sure they also have their own trials and tribulations.
The process of the surrogacy was not bad at all,Although it had its own challenges and i will touch on that on my next post. My biggest challenge was Post Surrogacy.Before you start this process its wise to sit down and think of how this whole process will impact your life.
According to the South African law, surrogate mothers can only be surrogates for altruistic purposes. Lets look at the word ALTRUISTIC, this means a selfless concern for the well being others. Being altruistic is generally considered a good trait. A person who has a generous nature who shares what he has with others is considered doing good
I lost my job because of the constant off days i was taking during the process and then 2 months after giving birth i was homeless and squatting at a friend’s house. There was nothing i could do because i knew the law said they don’t have to compensate me in any way. yet it was because of the process that i was in this predicament, Nevertheless, I had to pick myself up and start looking for a job,which proved very hard because of the Covid19 pandemic.
Altruism of course can be carried too far. Some altruistic people do not look out for their own needs as they should. I felt like i cared more about giving them a family than i did about myself. I couldn’t take time out for my c-section to heal properly because i had a child to feed, i needed to hit the ground running straight after the birth. i mean,i was being taken care of for months during the pregnancy, they bought my food and rent and then it came to a halt. I am a person who is used to asking for help so i of suffer alone.
This whole surrogacy process lasted for almost 2 years. Going to the lawyers, the high court, the medical and psychological evaluations, the constant lawyers meetings, then the process of preparing the body with hormones , different surgeries etc. I could hardly work because of the constant time off and the hormones where messing with my body and my mind. i wasn’t myself
If given a chance i would rewrite the rules to say,
* Lets Not Commercialize But Lets Compensate for at least 6 months after.Lets Also normalize getting surrogate mothers psychological help after the process.
Don’t get me wrong , Surrogacy is a beautiful thing , its miraculous.I went through some of my own negative experiences which should not taint the whole process.I do not regret doing it at all because when i see a picture of those babies, my heart melts like butter. The funny part is that i would do it again and again and …..